Although I’ve no intention of watching the upcoming presidential debates whereas I truly don’t understand their value, I’m pretty sure I can predict most of the candidate’s answers in advance. So, I’m going to jot down a few samples, and then later we can compare them to what was actually said by each. And since the economy’s such a huge issue, I’ll begin with that subject in my fictional contest.
Moderator: Starting with you Mr. Romney, what’s your plan to address the vast number of un or underemployed people around the nation?
Mitt Romney: I believe the problems stem from uncertainty among employers due to high taxes, strangling overregulation, far too much intervention by environmentalists and government policies that are strongly anti-business. So, my first step in office will be to reverse each and every one of these situations.
Moderator: And now, Mr. Incumbent, what’s your position?
The Incumbent: Well, actually Mr. Moderator, business isn’t really my forte. So, in that regard I’ve left decision making to highly experienced subordinates who tell me the problems are all “W.” Bush’s fault. Consequently, none of this stuff has anything to do with me, so I guess you’ll just have to ask him.
Moving on then to Mr. Romney. What’s your take on the state of education in the nation?
Mitt Romney: I think it’s quite clear to anyone who pays attention that the stranglehold put on our public educational system by far too powerful unions is the major cause for it’s absolute deterioration. So, we need to move toward a merit-based system for teachers, remove the weak ones and instead of having teachers primarily concerned with raises, vacation days and benefits, we’ve got to get them thinking about educating our kids instead.
Moderator: And how about you, Mr. Incumbent. What’s your take on the subject.
The Incumbent: Well. Gee whiz. This is another of of those things I really don’t know too much about personally. But I do know this much. Practically every public school teacher in the country voted for me last time, and they campaign everywhere for me right now. I also know their unions have given me an incredible amount of money too. And since they’re the one’s who’re actually doing the job, if they think that highly of me, I must be doing everything absolutely right. But, I am also aware that there might be a problem here or there, but they were left to me by “W.” Bush and need more time to fix.
Moderator: Now it’s time to move on to foreign policy issues. So Mr. Romney, what are your views regarding this area.
Mitt Romney: Having taken a great deal of time to study this subject, and even travelling to visit our strongest allies, I’ve come to realize that our nation’s lost it’s favored position around the globe. And this is something that must be immediately fixed. Therefore, I intend to let nations like Israel, Iraq, Great Britain, Poland and a whole host of other foreign friends, near and far, know that we’re back again, ready to support them and regain the international strength we worked so hard to attain in the first place.
Moderator: And now you, Mr. Incumbent. Where do you stand?
The Incumbent: By your question, I guess you’re referring to all those other countries everywhere else. And the truth is, none of those folks vote here -except for the illegal aliens that I strongly support- so I don’t pay a lot of attention to them. But, my advisors tell me that this is an area that my predecessor, “W” Bush really screwed up. So, in this case, I’m not only not to blame for anything at all, because I’ve never been involved, but nonetheless have it on very good authority that it was all “W’s” fault.
Moderator: Lastly, we come to the question of dependency on foreign oil, Mr. Romney. Please tell us your thoughts.
Mitt Romney: This is one of our nation’s greatest problems of all. Not only because of the cost of things like gasoline and oil themselves, but because their ridiculously inflated prices affect the cost of so much else, such as food, clothing, travel, heating and just about everything else that has to be transported. And what’s even worse is that the situation’s so easy to fix. All that’s needed is relaxed permissions to stimulate drilling here, making us fuel independent and with that, just about every other aspect of our whole economy will fall into place for the best.
Moderator: And what are your final words Mr. Incumbent?
The Incumbent: Well, I guess we’ve finally come to a subject I understand quite clearly. Because going all the way back to my original campaign, I was told by people really in the know that all “W” Bush cared about was oil. So, I’ve done everything in my power to keep him and his Texas friends from enriching themselves. And that’s why we have folks paying four times as much as they should at the pump. Because although Arabs and Soros are taking zillions out of our citizen’s pockets, “W’s” crew isn’t making a dime in profits. And my administration will insure that that will be the case, even if we all go absolutely flat broke in the process. So, here’s another perfect example of why all our nation’s ill’s are “W’s” fault
Moderator: Thank you gentlemen, and good night.
That’s it for today folks.
Adios
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